Friday, February 6, 2015

January Thoughts

I don’t know what it is about January and February for Peter and I. I always think in December that after the holidays things will start to settle down. They never do! These past 5 weeks always get packed to the fullest with gatherings, connecting with students, kicking off WorshipArts, reconnecting with friends, a few birthday gatherings, coffee or breakfast meetings with family and friends who I didn’t get to see over the holidays...the list goes on and on.

It’s funny, so often I think I’m an introvert, and then I look at my calendar. When I’ve had a week or two to decompress from work and life (like over Christmas), I jump into “MUST SEE THOSE PEOPLE I MISSED WHILE GONE (on break or a trip etc)” mode and schedule…..wait. Yep. Peter and I did TWENTY social events/coffee meet ups in 30 days. Which doesn’t include a few dates we took and the date time we need each week, or my work meetings, or WorshipArts meetings... Dear Lord. Overall, I do love it. But sometimes I forget to breathe!

Clearly I’m an extrovert in denial. I mean honestly. When I’m doing all of these things, what is the most common thought I have? “Oh, I still haven’t called/facetimed/had coffee with so-and-so or texted that person in weeks! I’m a terrible friend!”

Isn’t that wild? I really do think that so often. So often I’m attacked with the, “you aren’t a good enough friend to all the people that you love.” When I write it out, after looking at my calendar and counting all the things I did, it seems so ridiculous. But in the moment I’m so plagued with that guilt. You guys. I LOVE YOU ALL. I just have a lot of people to love…

And it’s also much harder for me to be a friend just for fun and companionship--I feel fueled from helping people tackle problems, pointing people to the truth, and encouraging them. When people are doing great in life, sometimes I feel like they don’t “need” me. That I’m not good at just…small talk or goofing off or surface distractions. I enjoy being intense about life, and if you just want to chill, maybe I’m not your best option? I do like to chill, but chilling for me is playing a game where we...beat a problem! Hahaha.

I guess the moral of this post is...take time to appreciate what you’re doing. If you’re like me and struggling with those “not good enough” thoughts, take a few minutes and look back. You’re probably doing a lot better than the lies in your head want you to believe. Keep moving ahead, making minor course adjustments….don’t let worry and fear stop you dead in your tracks.

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