Monday, January 28, 2013

Oscar, Rufus, Donovan, and You

When a single girl starts talking about what they want in a man, comments like this can easily start flying faster than candy addicts to valentines day sales:

“I really want a man who always puts family first...that’s why I could never fall for Oscar, because he doesn’t care about spending time with his family--he always wants to be out with his friends.”

“I want a hardworking man--so of course that rules out Rufus, because he’s always posting statuses about how exhausting his work is. He must not really value his job or he wouldn’t complain so much.”

“Don’t you want a man who’s mature? I just can’t stand how Donovan is always making such immature jokes with his friends. I could never be ok with that.”


There is definitely very important stuff to be said for setting high standards for your men. And plenty of people are already saying it. Maybe I’ll write about that in the future, but not today.

Today I’m talking to you, girls.

God designed marriage to be between a man and a woman--two people. Ahh, “People”--the word form of a nice, tidy closet door...and the minute you open it a hodge-podge mess of life explodes onto you without so much as a second of warning.

And then, let’s take that mess to another whole level--it’s not just any people, no siree. We’re throwing a MAN and a WOMAN together. Now the mess is trying to be cleaned up by someone who speaks elvish and the other who speaks klingon. Good grief.

Comments like those above make me wonder: do they actually want to marry a human? Because it sure doesn’t sound like it.

Having a relationship is complicated. It takes wisdom, forgiveness, and a whole lot of trust (in each other but even more so in Christ!). It is a beautiful creation of God--and like all of God's creation, it grows. Marriage is about growing, changing, and becoming more Christ-like with someone who will stick with you through the whole sticky, messy process. I challenge you--have grace for the speck in your brother's eye--and when you notice one, let that be a reason for you to ask God to reveal the plank in your own eye. When you’re ready to start pursuing a relationship, don’t let fear be your guide. Don’t be so quick to rule out Oscar just because he’s young and just wants to be with his friends. Don't throw Rufus under the bus because he’s discouraged in his entry-level job. And certianly don't ditch Dono because you overheard him talking with his bros and it was so different than how you talk. Remember: for in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you (that's a direct Jesus quote, yo).

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Instead, let the Holy Spirit fill you with grace, kindness, and wisdom, and do your best to see past a wayward comment into the heart of the man you’ve noticed. Focus on how you can honor and respect every man around you, because just like you hope to be unconditionally loved, so he hopes to be unconditionally respected. And hang on to your hats, because romance is a crazy adventure--just remember, as long as Jesus is your guide, you’ll be just fine in the end.

3 comments:

Peter Webb said...

Thanks for honoring and respecting, and probably most importantly, putting up with me. :-)

Love you.

Kiersten said...

Judging guys too quickly is one of those mindsets I’ve been convicted about/working through over the past several months (even though I’m not really actively looking for a relationship right now). It’s nice to see someone else talking about it! Thanks for the post. :)

Tori said...

God's pretty awesome like that--so often I find that He puts the same themes on many people's hearts. Thanks for commenting--it means so much!

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