Monday, November 12, 2012

Writers Write

In order to be a writer, you have to write. 

I struggle with that. 

Maybe it's my old perfectionism lingering on in this area--a symptom of a lifestyle that use to be much worse in my life? Could it be that a large portion of my job is writing--emails, websites, brochures--I write a lot as an administrator, and it does use up my composing juices, that's sure and certain.

It could definitely be how full my life is--but there isn't a soul who tells me that life gets any less full as you get older. My goodness, I don't even have a child yet. Why do I reason with myself that I'll write more in the future, as if I'm going to suddenly have more time then?

It's funny. When I'm not able to write, I come up with a plethora of topics. And yet when I have the time to sit down, no topic seems suitable for this blog, interesting enough, or worth taking the time to write down.

And then I look up and realize two years of my marriage has passed and I've barely recorded any of it here. I realize WorshipArts is taking off and there are so many testimonies I wish I had captured here. I see our immediate families growing and changing and yet I haven't captured what it feels like here.

It's hard to write about WorshipArts, because I want this to be my personal blog, and yet so often when I start to write about WorshipArts I feel like I go into a "work/promotion" voice unintentionally, and that people are going to tune it out. I don't want to just self-promote here. No one wants to read that long term.

I also struggle with writing about my job. I really want to let people know what it's like to work at a church, how blessed it is, and all the projects that I'm excited about. But I don't want to say anything that would be misunderstood, to accidentally give away information too soon, or to some how misrepresent my church. Plus I write about church stuff all day at work.

And then there is my relationship with Peter. It's pretty stinkin' amazing. But I guess I don't write about it too much because I want to keep a certain level of it private and personal... and many of you get more than enough of our sentimental romance through our sappy Facebook posts!

When I was younger, I wrote so, so much. I ranted, vented, worried, rejoiced, and expressed just about every emotion through writing--and much of it was public on blogs online. Then my relationship with Peter blossomed, and he helped me work through so much in conversation that I didn't feel as much of a need to process life in writing. I've done very little private journaling, for example, since we've been seriously dating and married.

Yet I know writing is good and it's something I want to do. I know God has gifted me with it for a reason--many reasons probably.

And yet I don't do it consistently. Ugh.

Maybe just getting this on the table will help.

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