Wednesday, August 8, 2012

He Jumped In Front of a Car For Me

I've been a Christian my whole life. And so I know that I need to spend time with God. It definitely seems straightforward--God sent His son to die for you, and so we give Him our time. But it doesn't always work out that black and white.

In a way, this is how my history with God has looked:  He jumped in front of a car for me, and endured some crazy damage. He had to spend a whole weekend in the hospital, He flatlined... but it was crazy, after a weekend, He was up and talking, and the one thing He kept saying was He wanted to be a part of my life. Well, He saved it, so who am I to argue? Certainly a decent thing to do when you your life has been spared, right?

So I spend time with Him, meet Him for breakfast, call Him, email, text, post links on His facebook. At first, the conversation is awesome--this guy saved my life, and He's such a people person! I'm going to be whatever He wants. We talk about my life, we talk about His word, He gives me some ideas on things I can do better.

But as time goes on, we go through seasons. The same topics keep coming up, and it's getting a little old. Love, grace, forgiveness, justice... Sometimes it's hard to talk to a perfect person, even if He is a great empathizer. Life gets busy. Maybe we don't meet as often as I meant to, so I try just calling, instead of our usual breakfast together. I'm still staying in touch, right? It's been so long since that wreck...I'm used to looking at Him, I don't even notice His scars any more. Calling is fine! Friends give grace for that, right? He keeps saying He's all about that.

Man, now it's been an even crazier week. I just have all this stuff, some good and some bad, going on. You're a great friend, but I really can't make that call today--I'm so sorry! I'll try to text to let you know what's up today.

And tomorrow.

And then a week goes by and I haven't even texted you back. Yikes... I'll have to get better at that ...after I finish finals. Or that project our family is doing. Or get through this crazy week at work.

Now we just touch base a few times a month, checking out each other's Facebook walls and liking a few great status updates, with a text now and then. I'm keeping my eye out for where He's at, He's keeping a watch on me. If there's a crisis I know I can call Him. Honestly, this is a really good friendship--we're just in a season where it's harder.

After those projects are done, we have a solid week where we spend face-to-face time together! And then we stay really in touch for a few months! But those same topics keep coming up, and He keeps obsessing about how He love me. "Yeah, I know you do. You died for me. But can we talk about something else?" I keep thinking. I just don't feel like this friendship is going anywhere. So I miss breakfast again...that snooze button was the death of me...sorry! I'll do better tomorrow...

And so it cycles.

I am a friend of God.  And I have truly, honestly, excellent earthly friendships that look almost exactly like this cycle.  But I think there is an underlying, major problem with this type of relationship with God, and it's something I don't want to have any more. It's a cycle I want to break out of, and a cycle I want to see broken in the lives of my Christian friends, acquaintances, and total strangers.

I believe God must be more than just a best friend. And I'm going on a journey to discover what a deeper relationship with Him can be.

1 comment:

Jerry said...

Thank you Tori. This makes so much sense and left me feeling drawn through gratitude rather than guilt. My default mode usually is from duty. I 'should' my relationship with God. A much better attitude is 'thank you friend for giving yourself for me, and continuing to is myself, I give it to you, and I continue to give my self to you.'

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