Thursday, November 6, 2008

A Train of Thoughts

Change really is a theme of my life right now. If I'm honest, I'm rather sick of hearing about it everywhere I go. "This needs to change," "I hate this. It has to change," "Finally, our country embraces change," yada yada yada.

Okay, don't get me wrong. I'm all for a lot of changes. I know most change is not only natural, but good. But to be honest, a lot of changes have happened in my life that I'm really not giddy about. In fact, it really is a purpose of this blog--to get the changes out of my crazy-cluttered mind, one breath at a time. Which might also be why I'm "yada"-ing something as huge and important as change. In an oxymoron sort of way, its same-old same-old to me.

As I think about it, I spend much of my time focusing on the changes in my life that I strongly dislike, and even hate... The irony is I wanted change so much. The whole "be careful what you wish for, or you might just get it."

I know what I need to do, I just haven't found the formula for making good changes in attitude happen consistently. Formulas! That reminds me of the struggles I've had in math in the past--when you don't know how to plug the numbers in, its not going to come out right. How do I consistently get enough sleep, maintain my long-distance (amazing) relationship, stay in touch with at least a few of my other friends, spend time learning God's heart, live out what I learn from Him....oh, yeah--homework, classes, work, laundry...

Ha ha.

I keep trying the whole schedule thing. It's hard because the things I want to do depend on other people's schedules--so I can't set something in stone and go "Every week I'm going to do this." It all fluctuates. I'm going to figure it out though. I'm getting closer, even when it doesn't feel like it. Somehow, someday (graduation?) I'll get past this rut and really get my life in order--and I know it won't happen to the best of my ability until God's even more in charge of everything I do. He does manage quite a bit of lives--the ultimate business administrator. I know I can learn some tips from Him. :-)

So, for now, I'll go write a list of my HW for the weekend and see if I actually do any of it. I'm going to eat the rest of my cheetos, enjoy their fake cheesy crunchy-ness, and call my boyfriend.

If only I could stop the nagging worries in the back of my mind that constantly whisper--JUST DO YOU HW! DONT SPEND ANY TIME RELAXING UNTIL THE (unending--*evil laughter*) LIST OF THINGS TO DO IS DONE!

Shut up twisted something claiming to be my conscience. I need a break.


annemcarr said...

Don't forget, my dear friend, that God is still God no matter what is changing around us. He wants us to live with the palms of our hands up & open, not clenching too tightly to what is around us. In order to live in surrender we must allow Him to give and take as He sees fit to do.

Life is a journey full of lessons...and it sounds like you've got a full class load beyond what they're teaching you at KVCC! Don't lose heart my dear, for all these things are molding and changing you into an even more beautiful godly woman.

Love you girl!

Linna said...

Anne's right, and I'd like to add a lil bit of a country song here...

"Wouldn't change the course of fate, if cutting the grass just had to wait,
cause I got more important things, like pushing my kid on a backyard swing
I won't break my back for a million bucks I can't take to my grave, so why put
off for tomorrow what I could get done today.
Like go for a walk, say a little prayer, take a deep breath of mountain air,
put on my glove, and play some catch, it's time that I make time for that
wade the shore, cast a line, look up an old lost friend of mine
sit on the porch, and give my girl a kiss, start living
That's the next thing on my list."

yup, that's what this made me think of. I love you nigel. I've got faith in you and God's got your back. Love you!!

~Linna <><

The Rambler said...

thanks for stopping by my blog the other day :)...hang in there. with change :) in tolerable doses it has it's purposes...take care!!

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