Sunday, August 24, 2008

Lists

Yeah, so I'm left here. Goodbye to the list of those leaving--Jones, Lindsay, my Peter, Nick, and a bunch of other people....

God has taken them away and left me here. There are so many mundane things that I must do but none are successfully wooing me. Clean room, set up a study area, schedule, schedule, schedule, run last minute errands, do laundry (lots of that...hm...), figure ways to organize space--get a hanging jewelery box, get shelves, exercise--and the list continues.

I don't want my life to be this kind of a list. And yet I'm going to school to become a Business Administrator....I've got a hunch that takes a lot of lists. Oh how I despise it when I despise normalness. God made a beauty there and lately it is hidden. I don't want to be bitter about where I am, I don't want to be "living" like a flat balloon--colorful but two dimensional. And getting God's helium is feeling like telling that balloon to run to walmart and buy a helium tank by her-little-balloon-lonesome-self. And she's just stuck there flat on the ground, debating whether to look at the cement before her or gaze longingly at those clouds above she can't reach on her own. All alone...

But I'm not alone really. And after I mourn a little more you'll see more of me, I suppose. I thank God for you my friends, because without you I'd really be despairing... God has taken care of me by giving me you.

So why am I still stuck on the cement? Because I've been having so much trouble sitting down and just listening to God and then doing what He says. So please pray for my heart for His word to come back and my ears to open again and my tears to slow down...

My aren't I the drama queen. But hurt is real even when it is cliche.

God, make me more hungry for You, and then fill me overflowing so I can't help but give You away.

6 comments:

Peter said...

That's a beautiful metaphor. You seriously should switch your major to like, some sort of writing or communications. That at least could be fun at times. Plus, a degree is a degree. Like 80% or something of people don't work in the field they got the degree in anyways. You should try to have fun while you do it!

I love you and I'm gonna keep loving you until you're sick of it. Then I'll love you some more... <3

Kathie said...

I love you. You have the unique ability to both be creative and to get stuff done. If you stick with business, it won't harm your creativity. If you go for a more creative major, you will still be a person who gets things done. Again, I love you!

~KT~ said...

I must agree w/Peter. Your write so beautifully that as a fellow writer, I must admit to being jealous :) Although you may be good @ business admin, I also suggest a more creative major. Like Media! You don't need any previous knowledge b/c you can learn it all in the intro classes, and it's TONS of fun. It's a way to express your creativity and be productive @ the same time.

Loved the analogy btw. Do you ever find that God speaks to us more clearly through parables, metaphors & pictures? Love you Tori!

LinsF said...

Hi Tori,
although my heart is not at the point where I could relate to all you are feeling, but know my heart is with yours. I now know what I am to pray for and how best to stand by your side.
Thank you for your openness and for how beautifully you express your heart.
You are an encouragement to me.
All the time God is good. God is good all the time. I thought that would give you a smile along with a few memories.
My love to you, sister.
-Lindsey (F.) (cuz I know you have two of those in your life.)

Peter said...

Tori! You haven't posted in a while!

~PTAR

Peter said...

I love you...

<3

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