Even though this is the beginning of a new and potentially exciting season of my life, it is very difficult for me to keep from look back. I want to dwell on the memories of my past and hold tight to those moments because the future is uncertain. Saying goodbye is the hardest thing to do so often in life. I think it was easier to let go of HPA last fall than it is to do so now, with such new and different shows and the inability to even go help at rehearsals this semester... It is much more of a challenge. I suppose it was good in some ways to schedule my classes on thursdays--it is forcing me to let go of HPA that much more. At least I know this year is going to be something great for HPA, even though I can't help as much as I'd like.
And then there is the bigger let-go of my love, Peter. Even though I know he will come back and I know this is what God wants for us, it is still so difficult for me to let him walk away. I know technically he isn't leaving me; he is going partly because someday he would like to provide for me...and he is going completely because God told him too, which is reason enough to let him go to the other side of the world if He said so (but thank you Jesus for not asking that of him and I!) Even though I know all these good things, I still have moments of deep, heart-wrenching hurt. Peter won't be here. He will be far away.
But it is a comfort that God is with us, and I am not left completely alone amongst strangers. Hm, maybe that is part of the reason God is letting me stay here in Kalamazoo and go to valley? He has given me the safety of still being with my family and friends that are also going to valley. He takes care of me even as I cry out to Him. I keep asking for strength and peace of heart, and really there is strength all around me--in the gifts God has given me in my friends.
I apologize to many of you for not spending as much time with you now as I possibly should. I feel like now I need to take every moment I can and cherish being with Peter...but he will be gone and then I will focus on you all like I should. Yes, I will still be busy--work an school will be demanding, but at least I will make time for you when I possibly can. I also want to say thank you for waiting and understanding...you all mean the world to me.
God bless you all!!!